Some tiny creature, mad with wrath,

Is coming nearer on the path.

--Edward Gorey

Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, U.S. Outlying Islands

Writer, lawyer, cyclist, rock climber, wanderer of dark residential streets, friend.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Landover Baptist, "The Pope's Message From Hell"

This article is almost too nasty for me, but generally I do love this site, and as always there are some gems. Landover Baptist, for those of you who don't know, is to American Evangelical fundamentalism what the Onion is to journalism. Here's an excerpt:

The Pope reported that the conditions in Hell are bearable, though far from pleasant. “I had assumed that if I wound up here, at least I would be away from that anorexic, Mother Theresa, who spent her entire life trying to one-up me,” the Pope noted. “But not so! There she was. Apparently, she, like so many of us, assumed that being baptized at birth and performing Christ-like acts throughout her life would be enough for her to eventually walk through the Pearly Gates. It turns out that we both wound up here for different reasons. I was told that my unshakable commitment to Old Testament precepts, despite the Christ’s superseding words, was responsible for my plight. It seems I had just too much trouble dealing with all that acceptance, tolerance and compassion broohaha that Jesus preached. “

By contrast, according to Heaven’s press release, Mother Theresa never took the affirmative act of abandoning her sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-achievement by accepting what a miserable wretch she inherently was and asking Jesus to come into her life to supplant her intrinsically despicable self and make her a person of value, ensuring that she blindly follow the teachings of the Christian Coalition and G.O.P., without ever questioning their logic, motives or financial dealings. After weeks of waiting in the Judgment Day line, where Mother Theresa had consoled Salem witch-burners, 1960’s Baptist KKK members and Pentecostal child molesters, the nun was whisked to Hell while her audience ascended into Heaven since each of them had at one time or another, sober or otherwise, asked Jesus to enter their lives.

Read the entire article, if you're comfortable with more of the same, here.


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