Why You Never Want a Lawyer at Your Party

From The Onion:

With my client's long-standing dental problems established, I'll proceed. Last year, during the first weeks of baseball season, my client found what he described as "the aching in his molars" to be increasing in intensity. This statement was borne out by the vocal and voluntary testimony of my client's colleagues, who swore to the frequency and volume of my client's entreaties for solace from his pain. My client's dental-insurance statement would confirm that, on the advice of medical counsel, my client had the problematic teeth removed and was fitted for a set of dentures, henceforth referred to as "false teeth." My client had hoped the false teeth would not only put an end to his pain, but offer cosmetic benefits over his inferior natural teeth. Sadly, I have no examples to offer in exhibit, but offer as an analogue Mr. Wilbright's artificial hairpiece...

In light of the objections, I withdraw my comments regarding Mr. Wilbright.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.