Some tiny creature, mad with wrath,

Is coming nearer on the path.

--Edward Gorey

Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, U.S. Outlying Islands

Writer, lawyer, cyclist, rock climber, wanderer of dark residential streets, friend.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Okay, A Liiiiitle More Schiavo

We need some levity here. And John Cougarstein obliges in his article, "God's 15-Year Quest To Call Terri Schiavo Home Delayed By Congress."

"Bill Frist, Denny Hastert, Tom DeLay are clearly Satan's Helpers," said the Lord Almighty. "Terri's soul was supposed to be in Heaven 15 years ago, but Lucifer has thrown up one roadblock after the next. I've had it up to here, and believe you me, so has Terri."

Eternal peace and happiness awaits Ms. Schiavo in Heaven, the final resting place for most Earthly souls. Ms. Schiavo was unavailable for comment.

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, long affiliated with the Christian Right, bristled at the charge that he is in league with the Devil. "This legislation is called the Palm Sunday Compromise. Would a Satan worshipper name a bill like that?," said DeLay. "I live to serve God, but He needs to get His facts straight, put down the Sojourner's and turn on Fox."

I really can't say I fault myself for enjoying this article. Of course, that's because I think Schiavo is on her way to where she wanted to be, and because Congress has finally read the tea leaves, surrendered its supposedly vaunted morals to pragmatic concerns about reelection, and butted out of a dispute it had no business in in the first place (oops, spoke to soon).

Ooh ooh ooh, and speaking of DeLay, turns out he went along with his mother's decision, as spouse and decisionmaker, not to continue end-of-life treatment for DeLay's father when he was irreparably injured in a freak accident sixteen years ago. DeLay's staffers are trucking out the legally suspect distinction between withdrawing artificial respiration and withdrawing water and nutrition in a futile effort to make their boss look like anything other than the hypocrite scoundrel he is.

Hat tip, Opinions You Should Have, which you really ought to visit from time to time -- consider starting with this a propos "article"). It's like The Onion except slightly more targeted. Funny stuff.

And now I'm done.


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