Morning Coffee

Emily, nee Throckmorton, has an alter ego, a ten-year-old overbrimming with the sort of enthusiasm one expects of ten-year-olds (or the sort of feigned enthusiasm one expects creepy forty-year-olds expect of ten-year-olds, thus tailoring their creepy false ten-year-old profiles accordingly), and she has taken the liberty of restating ten-year-old Emily's personal statement for herself, both now and as a ten-year-old.

Although I almost never play the echo game with little exercises like these, for some reason this morning I can't resist. Perhaps because Emily's not inviting anyone to play with her. And that way I'm sort of inviting myself over. Which is better than doing as I'm told. And kind of in keeping with the socially inept ten-year-old me.

So here goes -- my personal statement now:

Hey guys! Thanx 4 readin my blog! My name is Moon Over Pittsburgh! I am thirty-one years old! I have gray eyes and brown hair (but with some grey!). I still can't grow a real beard. But if I could it would be grey!!! I love playing whatever videogames my friends have, since I'm terrified of the vegetable I would become if I had my own PS2! My favorite male singer these days is Andrew Bird! Or maybe Elvis Costello! Or Beck! I don't know. I don't think any of them are really hot! But my favorite female singer, Kristin Hersh, is pretty! My best friends R Jason, Andrew, Matt, Cindy, Ryan, and much more! I like shopping at Red White & Blue where I can buy velvet and corduroy and knock-off jeans for pennies on the dollar! Also, I can buy really gross cookware there too. And tacky lamps. And coats with fur collars!!!!!! And then I give it all back on my next trip. I climb rox (not so much now) and ride my bike! I never use the brake!!!!! Last night I discovered that my messenger bag holds a six-pack very comfortably! But on Friday I learned that two bottles of wine and two cans of refried beans aren't so comfortable in my bag. I am buying a house. IT IS KILLING ME!!! I try to do as little as possible. So buying a house was really STUPID, coz now I've ALWAYS GOT THINGS TO DO. I like hiding in my room until the scary people leave. And when the phone rings I jump like I saw a ghost. Mommy says I'm a recluse. I don't know what that means. She says look it up. I say talk to the hand. I have an AIM screenname; it's xxxxxxxxx. I should get more. Coz one isn't enuff!!!

And my personal statement when I was ten:

Hey guys! Not sure where U R reading this, but I'm pretty sure it's not on my BLOG! What a funny word, BLOG. Sounds like somebody ralphing: BLOG!!! Gross. My name is Moon Over North Jersey! I am ten years old! I have blue-green eyes and really bad hair. My dad still cuts it (thanx a lot, DAD!). I read Stephen King books like it's my job! My favorite bands are Tears for Fears (except I'm not positive they're out yet) and Quarterflash except I misspelled it on my Trapper Keeper without the first R. My best friends R Lowell and Sam and pretty much no one else! I like shopping at the Willowbrook Mall! I ride the bus there and play games at the arcade!!! I play baseball! Im in travel baseball on a very defeated team! I had a game yesterday and got shelled! My outfielders can't catch a cold! That was the first game of our new season. We lost. I can do a lot of things! I like talking on the phone but I live in a three-room apartment so my stupid brother's always there. What's an AIM screen name? Are you making fun of me?

Emily's are better, but there are worse ways to begin a morning.