Some tiny creature, mad with wrath,

Is coming nearer on the path.

--Edward Gorey

Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, U.S. Outlying Islands

Writer, lawyer, cyclist, rock climber, wanderer of dark residential streets, friend.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Pittsburgh's Pinchy the Lobster

"See ... together we weigh 300 lbs. According to my driver's licence, I weigh 130 lbs. That means you weigh ... ... 460 lbs. Oh! good!"

--Homer on a scale with Pinchy

Granted, Pittsburgh's Pinchy is actually Bubba, a 22-lb. lobster that just turned up at Wholey's. The lede:

He could have survived two world wars and Prohibition. He also could have been dinner.

He's Bubba, a 22-pound leviathan of a lobster pulled from the waters off Nantucket, Massachusetts, and shipped to a Pittsburgh fish market.

And then there's this: from the ridiculous (PETA demanding the release of the lobster back into the Atlantic, which, as we can see, is obviously a safe place for Bubba) to the, er, ridiculous (the other PETA offering to buy Bubba for something like $350):

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent Wholey a letter asking him to work with the group to release Bubba back in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Maine.

Another group calling itself People For Eating Tasty Animals reportedly offered Wholey a hefty price for the lobster. At Tuesday's price of $14.98 a pound, Bubba would retail for about $350.

Apparently this Lobster Methuselah is destined for Ripley's Believe it or Not. It probably beats the ocean. That's a lot of weight to be dragging around the sea floor all the damned time, looking for food, miraculously avoiding traps, etc.

And while we're on the topic of lobster, I direct you to David Foster Wallace's hilarious essay, "Think of the Lobster," about the Maine Lobster Festival, which appeared in the August 2004 issue of Gourmet.


Blogger matt said...

I can just imagine someone from PETA (the animal helping and not animal-eating group) buying out the other PETA, and having him get cooked in his tank of salt water in the car on a sunny day with the windows rolled up or something. PETA guy begins eating Pinchy with gusto and sobbing.

Onlooker: "Are you going to eat that whole thing?"
PETA guy: "Pinchy would have wanted it that way!"

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe they should let him go. That sounds like some fine material to release back into the gene pool.

I'm not sure why they kept him, and sent him to Wholey's in the first place. Isn't an old guy like that bound to be tough and yucky to eat? Maybe I am just a softie, thinking that if he had been in my trap, I would have let an old geezer like that go to let him make lots of lobster babies!

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops, that was me, binky. :)

2:13 PM  

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